Do you sometimes feel distant from your partner? Some couples spend years together yet stonewalled from one another. When two individuals come together, it often starts with a spark. But no matter how big the fireworks were in the beginning, one thing is almost always sure to happen. The sparks eventually fade. Maybe your relationship could use a little boost or maybe you’re feeling completely hopeless. You can practice tantra yoga to enhance love and intimacy with your partner. It’s one of the most effective ways to get closer and to rediscover each other again.
What is tantra yoga?
This is an age old practice with deep roots and extensive philosophy. In a nutshell, tantra yoga teaches self-awareness. It allows you to find ease, inner calm and thus a deeper sense of self through breathing techniques, postures or exercises and meditation. When you’re more in tune with the “self” connecting with the “other” then becomes easier.
Through breathing, we direct our attention inward. The focus is on the sensations of inhaling and exhaling. In doing so, we are able to let go of disruptive and negative thoughts. We train the mind to rest, slow down and just be present.
What happens when you meditate or perform simple breathing techniques? According to a study published at the U.S. National Library of Medicine, physiological effects of such breathing techniques are related to increased comfort, relaxation, pleasantness, vigor and alertness, and reduced symptoms of arousal, anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion.
Those physical and mental benefits are evident. But it doesn’t end there. By releasing tension and trapped energy, you may expand your awareness and consciousness. This simply means becoming more self-aware and cultivating more compassion for yourself and others. If you want to know more about tantra, click here.
Practice tantra yoga with a partner
Tantra yoga can help cultivate more openness and honesty between two people. It can help foster a deeper connection between you and another.
If you’re new to this, know that there is nothing weird or voodoo about it. It starts with doing the simplest and most basic of things (think eye gazing and hand holding) so you can see yourself and your partner for who you really are – just two human beings with strengths and weaknesses.
For the best outcome, both partners should share the same willingness to come together. Openness and the desire for unity has to be present.
Let go of expectations and judgments
When practicing tantra yoga, the first step is to remove any expectations and judgments. Do not expect for you or your partner to act or feel a certain way.
Instead, clear up your mind and expect nothing. Do not make any judgments whether anything is good or bad. Avoid thinking ahead. Just be and feel in the moment as it happens. Allow the experience to unfold on its own.
Letting go of expectations and judgments can be scary. It’s because you’re relinquishing control. In doing so, you increase clarity of mind and thought. Because by simply allowing, you will see things for what they truly are, and not for whatever it was you preconceived.
Create a tantra space
Designate a space to practice tantra yoga. The physical aspect is far less important than the emotional aspect. The physical space simply needs to be quiet and comfortable.
The emotional space needs to be authentic. Allow yourself to be who you are. Real connection and intimacy begins with trust and honesty. Leave the ego behind and be willing to reach for one another.
Feeling creative? You can also light candles and decorate with flowers to set the mood.
Three tantra yoga exercises to try
1. Easy pose and appreciation
This is a very simple exercise of sitting together and expressing appreciation.
- Get into the easy pose position with you and your partner facing each other. The easy pose is a basic posture done by sitting down cross-legged on the floor. Rest your hands on your knees or lap, palms facing up or down.
- Try to relax. Use a pillow or blanket to sit on if you’re uncomfortable.
- Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths for about 1-2 minutes.
- Open your eyes and make eye contact with your partner with a soft gaze.
- Take turns revealing five things you appreciate about each other. This can be as simple or as elaborate as you want. Maintain eye contact.
- Take turns in speaking and listening. Be honest when you’re sharing and be attentive when you’re listening. Notice how it feels to give and receive appreciation.
Variations
Change the topic. For example, rather than five things of appreciation, you can discuss five wonderful things that happened recently, five things you’re embarrassed to tell each other or five new things you want to try. Anything positive or revealing is a good topic. It should be fun but this can also be a deep conversation.
Benefit
This exercise encourages open communication. It also allows you to honor those qualities you appreciate in each other. Appreciation is a way of expressing love.
2. Yab yum
There is a play of polarized energies between a man and a woman that is meant to flow between partners in the yab yum pose. However if you are just beginning to practice tantra yoga, you don’t need to know all the chakra energies and magnetic forces to benefit from this exercise. Just feel your way through and maintain the desire to connect with your partner.
- Start with the easy pose position facing one another. Close your eyes and take 7 to 10 deep breaths. Feel the sensations of inhaling and exhaling within your body.
- Release any tension your body and mind may be holding. Be conscious with each breath. Imagine a sphere of energy and light radiating up and down within you.
- Open your eyes and begin to have eye contact with a soft and receptive gaze. Continue circling the energy as before.
- Next, the woman (or the smaller partner) can move across the space and sit with her legs wrap around the man’s (or the larger partner’s) waist while sitting on his lap. Embrace.
- Maintain eye contact and try to synchronize your breathing together. Now imagine the sphere of energy circulating between the two of you.
- Continue breathing together for 4 to 5 min. Notice how being held and seen in this way feels for both of you.
Variations
You can experiment and play with this position. For example, increase closeness by touching your foreheads together. Try with and without clothes on. You may also start kissing and keep the love going.
Benefit
Imagining the sphere of energy and light brings attention to the sensations within your body, great for mind and body awareness.
This pose helps connect the two of you in a very intimate way. The yab yum is a stark contrast to all the overtly sexual images and videos in today’s media. Yet it offers a different type of togetherness, something very simple, yet special and even more vulnerable.
3. Giving and receiving
In this tantra yoga practice, you and your partner will take turns giving and receiving touch.
- Sit in easy pose across from one another. Sit close enough so that your knees are touching.
- One partner assumes the role of the receiver and the other as the giver.
- As the receiver, close your eyes and rest your hands on the top of the knees, palms up. Relax and be fully receptive of your partner’s touch.
- As the giver, gently touch your partner by stroking from the top of their heads down to their arms.
- Continue the last step and then alternate with touching from the top of the head and down on the front of the body. Move slow.
- Use your finger tips and tap or glide along the way to give a very soft and feathery touch.
- Ask your partner what they want. Maybe they prefer a faster, slower, harder or softer touch.
- Remember to go slow and to breathe mindfully. Repeat 7 to 10 times.
- Switch roles.
Variations
You may do this pose with or without clothes. Use props like feather dusters, ice cubes, massage tools, or anything you want. Just remember to use clean and hypoallergenic objects.
Benefits
Giving and listening to feedback are important when it comes to exchanging pleasure. This practice sharpens your communication skills. This exercise also encourages you to experience both the roles of giver and receiver. Learn to take pleasure both in the act of giving and receiving in all aspects of your relationship.
Click here to get a three-page printable guide for practicing easy pose and appreciation; yab yum; and giving and receiving. Plus, some prompts to encourage thought and conversation between couples. It’s free!
Maintain openness
Remember to have fun with your partner, allow yourself to be silly and open up. Your willingness to be vulnerable creates an opening for trust, intimacy and a deeper connection. Tantra yoga practice is all about openness. If you simply allow romance and love to come, it will. It’s not a far-fetched feeling, it’s a natural state to love.
Lastly, remember that change starts with you, not the other person. When you align yourself to being the person you want to love, the rest will fall into place.
Want to learn more?
Check out the books below if you want to read up on tantra. They’re great to start with if you’re curious about tantra philosophy and practices.
Tantra: The Supreme Understanding
Urban Tantra, Second Edition: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century